Tomorrow, my daughter Mary, who I placed for adoption, will turn 24 years old. When I think about this, I wonder not necessarily as a mother but as a woman what she struggles with. Does she have friends in her life that speak truth to her and encourage her when she is down? Does she have an intimate relationship with God and hear his voice? And in light of my last post does she know she is significant and has an irreplaceable role in this life?
The irony of all this is that I didn’t know I had an irreplaceable role and beauty that no one could take when I was her age. I exchanged it all for a lie. I bought the lie that boyfriends, sex and being the bad girl would give me significance and beauty.
As a result of believing this I ended up with all types of troubles including two unplanned pregnancies among other consequences. I say that carefully and very lightly. To be clear, both Mary’s life and Xaviar’s are precious and planned by the Creator. He makes no mistakes!
Surely, my consequences could have been something different than pregnancy, after all, there are plenty of women we know that can’t have children, couldn’t God have closed my womb and caused it not to bear life? Absolutely! But he didn’t.
The acceptance and affirmation we seek in this life can only be met God. I am not saying God can’t bring people into your life to speak into these places, he did for me, especially as a young woman who didn’t have a father, but apart from God’s will, seeking this out how we think best will only end in grief and disappointment.
Unfortunately, even after two pregnancies, I still struggled to see my worth and ended up remarrying with lots of baggage only to discover that I still through marriage was seeking something only the Father could restore. I remember when all the disappointment was laid bare for me to see! Years of seeking temporary fixes to my unmet need – all along my beauty and irreplaceable role that gave me significance and affirmation I already had, it is who I am and always was.
The story isn’t finished, as I am still walking out marriage and womanhood, but one thing I am sure of now, I don’t need a husband, friends, money, or success to tell me I am beautiful and worth it. My worth is found in God alone. God is and has restored the broken places of hurt and disappointment.
I do pray that my daughter seeks God alone and hears His voice among all the other voices out there – how beautiful she is and how worth it she is! Women, we are worth it! We are worth being pursued by our husbands or husbands to be. We are worth more than selling ourselves to an empty lie… whatever the lie is you are tempted to believe.
I pray that every woman who reads this will seek and find the truth – who you are in Christ, your worth, that your choices don’t make up who you are, God is a Redeemer! God is very clear in his mind behind creating woman, his work wasn’t finished, his work was good but it needed that final touch – you – woman!
I do put my hope in God because though I don’t know where Mary is, or whether her family continued walking with God and if she continues to walk with God. I would certainly be blown away if she sought me out! I would be honored to have that place in her life to remind her who she is. For now, I pray the God who delights over her and celebrates her life keeps her pure and holds in her in the palm of his hands!