Mary, Mary

Note: this post originated March 5th and sat as a draft. Now is the time to post for various reasons and more to come on this. Last week marked 26 years since I last saw your sweet face. Of course, then, it was pure and free of the cares of this world. By now, twenty six years has likely worn on you. I wonder almost everyday if you woke up this morning and put on makeup, or where you went to work. I wonder what kind of car you drive and if you speed like me. It’s hard to imagine what life would be like to have a 26 year old daughter when I am still parenting a 12 year old daughter. Whatever your path, I wonder.

I imagine your life is busy, I wonder if you are married yet, or if you’ve found the man of your dreams and is awaiting “the question”, or are you single and seeing the world. I think I ask these questions every year…or similar ones.  I think about the imagined sound of your voice and the shape of your eyes. Are your fingers long and slender like your father’s or are they short and stout like mine.

These are the little things I learned about myself when I reunited with my father seven years ago. I discovered that I like my iced tea half sweet and half unsweetened and so does he. I also realized that my short, stout fingers came from him, along with my long skinny legs that I always disliked about myself. I wonder what you dislike about yourself. I wonder if you wonder about where the personal quirks come from.

I hope by now you know about your biological parents and have learned to accept and embrace the beauty of your life and what was decided for you. Certainly, we meant no harm and only intended good for you. I wonder how your parents loved you. Mary, I know they loved you the best they knew how, like all parents do.

The last picture I received of Mary, my daughter I placed for adoption.

Maybe one day we will meet. Maybe one day I will get caught up on all the details of your life. Until that hopeful day, I pray you are well. I pray you are healthy. I pray you have faithful friends. I pray you have a job that utilizes your talent, skills and gifts to the world. I pray for you Mary until we cross paths again.


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